One Republic-Say All I need lyrics

Perfect!!!! Exactly where Ive been in my life and still ask myself these questions!!
And the destination is merely to breathe and Be in whatever moment I am in.....in that moment!
Love this melody as well.....
Enjoy

James Blunt - Same Mistake

Never a truer word spoken of my heart
Oh how I wish he would pick up the phone or reply to an email or a text......
"Im not calling for a second chance"
Or maybe I am............but not in the way that I have been up until now
Would it be too much to ask for a small friendship?
And I just kept making the same mistake
xxx

PS: I love you

Just finished watching this movie with Gerard Butler and Hillary Swank! And its marvellous! It pulls on the heartstrings like any good chick-flick should and remind us all of our girlie dreams when we were young and dreamed of our knight in shining armour and how he would lay down his coat over a puddle so his Lady wouldnt have to get her shoes wet, or carry her to her final destination if she felt tired, send her flowers for no reason but to make her smile or just did any of those dreamy things that Princes did in fairytales.

Oh, the myths of love and happiness and happily-ever-after. Then I hit adolescence and my twenties and all the sparkle of dreams and the desire to love and be loved above all else pales and gets buried behind cynicism and resignation and routine mundane activities.

And yet does the hope ever really truly die or leave us? Any of us? Male or female? Or is it merely an addiction of our individual making and manufacture? Never to be satisfied as the drug to satiate it has never, will never and does not exist outside of our imaginations and subconscious workings! Is it right to ever expect the fulfilment of this from any other human being?

And so Hollywood makes a killing on re-creating this nonsense! Perpetuates the fairytale, the never-ending hope and disappointment! Because no one can live up to another's dreams! Its impossible. And we can spend our lives trying to learn the tools to communicate clearly, be open and honest, create create and re-create.........and where does that leave us? Feeling like we are doomed to failure, never doing it well enough, never saying the right thing, never being clever enough, never being funny enough, never being driven enough, never being fit enough, never being good enough in the bedroom or adventurous enough, never being the one to fulfil the others every desire and dream..............never being the right person.

Or maybe thats just me! 

And maybe thats what we all say!!

I would like to continue to try and believe in the dreams, the fairytales. 

I merely find myself at a crossroads where once I knew who my knight was and through silly contortions of my own making since the beginning of our tale, he is off protecting another from puddles and tired feet. Laying out his unique most lovely brand of time and thought, most precious to any heart....

That right now, newly breaks my heart.

Not in that he is feeling love and happiness with another because that is all that I truly wish for him, but that I cannot be a part of his life, in any small way, to contribute or celebrate...

But maybe one day.........like in the stories.............maybe one day!

But go and watch the movie! It truly is a special tale of its own

xxxx

Gandalf Cleans up Cape Town

Josh Groban February Song [Live]

To the 2 most important men in my life...

Ive been listening to this song by Josh Groban for close on the last 7mths of my life now. It so succinctly epitomizes the two most important men in my life!! Both of them left my life in February of 2007 and 2009 respectively and yet who play SUCH important roles in my life....still. In the workings of my head and my heart and decisions that I take each and every day!!
I miss them both so acutely and so deeply!!!

The one has gone to the heavens and who I can never hope to "see" again, although on crazy days I can tell myself that I can sit in a quiet place and speak to him and that somehow in this realm, my Dad will be able to send me his advice from afar......but that might be difficult for some people to accept. And granted its not something that I do often....but sometimes the thought is nice that he might be there to pass his wisdom on to me here and now!!!

And then the other....as important and fundamental to who I am as a person here now going forward forever with me in my thoughts memories and dreams! My partner for so long and who I thought I would never be able to live without!! and here we have been living without each other for close on another 7mths. Its a wonder really. Not that long ago I dont think either of us really thought we would ever be able to do it.....successfully and yet we have.
But with no communication or word that he is alright and doing well or happy or...anything.....Im left to wonder and always hope that he is alright, in love, doing well, happy and alive with each new day. As much as I gave up the right to ever ask or know how he is doing, never will I stop wondering and hoping if I will ever be able to speak to him again and find out these things.
Left wondering what his thoughts are, what his plans are, who he shares his life with, who he gets inspired by, whether I will ever be able to just be a shouting voice from the grandstands of his life still urging him on to be everything Great that I know he Is and Will Be!!! Just a meagre place on the outskirts to share a piece of his life with...
I think that I do still have something to offer his life.....if that is too arrogant of me to think.......I really do think so. And know that the reverse is true!

And so I dont promise that "at some point I will come back to you". You and I are so over that. But I do still wish and hope that we may be friends and share some of what we have built together over 9 years and support each other in this life thing. Ill always understand, I suppose, if that isnt possible for us.

But I really do hope that at some point your eyes were opened and you opened yourself up to the life that you want and the life that is open to you..waiting for you to grab hold and ride it til the end and you get to the next thing you want and wish to take on and create!!!!

You are extra-ordinary...you can do Anything!!! I will always love you and miss you deeply!

Carpe Diem
Jeg Elske Deg

Chain letter emails....

They always come round. Particularly if you work in an office behind a computer for most of the day. Sometimes they are the only thing that keeps you sane and sometimes they are clever, witty, nonsensical at a time when you just need Stooopid!!!!

This one came to me from a dear friend, from behind her desk on a cloudy Thurs, from the frame of mind of I couldnt be asked to be here but this is beautiful and I wanna share!!!

And it touched such a strong note inside me! I know of this love, of this emotion, of this person. I have his face in my mind constantly and I know I will for the rest of my life. Ive tasted the beauty, richness, freedom and exhilaration of a person who does and knows!!
The emotion is strong......the memories precious!!!

And I start to count........and hold my breath until i get to 240secs..............the 4th minute........holding thumbs!
I miss. I hurt. So sore & feel so alone.


Enjoy this sentiment & to all, I wish love love love and adoration..
When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummie cuz she thinks shes
stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she loves you
she really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you;
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does

When she says it's over
she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

-Treat her like she's all that matters to you

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes

-When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

-Let her know she's important.

- Don't talk about other girls around her

- Kiss her in the pouring rain

- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:
"Whose butt am i kicking baby?"


If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :

Call you
Kiss you
Love you
Text you

Are you there God, its me Charlie?

Howdi hoe everyone!Long time no type.
I was horrified to see that my last post was in August 2007!SOOOooo much has happened since then (to me & the world it seems!~!)
But here I find myself again.Drawn to a blank screen @ some ridiculous hour, wishing for answers, searching for.....?
But August 2007? Whats up with that man? South African next elections coming up in just over a week, GLOBAL recession has come around to visit us once again. Its nice - hasnt visited in years!!! So about time, dont you think? :p
But I digress...
So just like Margaret (a character in Judy Blumes novel "Are you there God, its me Margaret? I find myself @ a stage in my life when I am asking the same questions (Who am I? Where am I Going? What do I want from life? Who do I want to Be? What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to contribute? AND the best one: HOW DO I GET THERE????
The last few weeks have been interesting, educational, terrifying, uncertain and exciting. I quit my job of the last 5 years, ended my relationship of 9 years and decided to begin from scratch - from nothing!
In the beginning it was exciting! The Universe brought me everything that I needed. Diverse opportunities to make money - exposed me to options I hadnt considered before (PS: the movie industry is NOT for me!) and introduced me to many interesting people & situations!
Now I have lost myself in all of those things.....enjoyed every moment, squeezed every drop of every kind of goodness from all of them and find myself at the end of 2weeks of parties & friends & alcohol & cigarettes & good times & fond memories &...........................distraction!!!!
Oh wait, I remember this pattern! I distract myself from the job @ hand, from the lesson to be learnt. Dont get me wrong its all wonderful in the moment & I will never trade any of these experiences for anything but I have come to know myself & recognise that this behaviour if not caught & corrected now - will lead me down a road that I do not wish to go down. It wastes so much time & leaves me in places in my head & heart from which I feed my addiction for guilt & self-loathing for far too many months thereafter!!!
I must say that I am quite proud of myself that I managed to recognise this behaviour after only 2weeks and not 8months (as in last times case!)
So Monsta, that is where I find myself. Back @ the drawing board. Its exciting again but this time a little harder as some of my leads are now cold & I have to nuke em up again before anything can be done!!! So I must "generate" them? Like create my own opportunities? Like do WORK on them? Hell no! That sucks!! :D
And yet I will. And they will turn out fabulously! And I will have a ball! But just like trying to get out of bed on the Monday morning after a long Easter weekend, where nothing works properly and everything is an effort & you put salt instead of sugar in your coffee & every robot is red!!...... this is proving to be an effort rather than an inspiring experience! :)
Oh how the Sandman would laugh @ me now! Rubbing his hands together going: "come on now if this is what you SAY you want, this is the time to stand up and TAKE IT!" He knows me so well.......and well, used to love me. Not sure if he still does or not. I can only hope so! But not hope like a definate "of course" thing. But rather the hope of a dying person, not knowing if the next breath will come.
I miss you!